


I Hate Being Alone

by Fateweaver



Series: Winter Apocalypse AU [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Loneliness, Sorry for ooc, Tommy's alone, Winter Apocalypse AU, emotional issues, i really need help on how to tag, part-vent?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26806783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fateweaver/pseuds/Fateweaver
Summary: Tommy hated being alone, which is unfortunate considering he's in the middle of an apocalypse with no living human in sight.
Series: Winter Apocalypse AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933150
Comments: 6
Kudos: 122





	I Hate Being Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short one, sorry!

Tommy hated being alone. He hated the feeling of being abandoned, of having nobody left who cares what happened to him. He hated the feeling of being utterly alone, without anyone who he could trust with his secrets. He absolutely hated the feeling of being on his own, without anyone he could ask for help.

In other words, Tommy hated his situation so much that at this point it’s no longer hatred, it’s fear.

He was straying so far from his persona. He ran from every monster he sees, unless it’s an Aurora (They were pretty and can form vague words out of nonexistent vocal cords). He remembered how raspy and high pitched his scream sounded when he ran into his first Yeti, he wished he hadn’t screamed then, his throat hurt for the next few days.

He had stolen food from abandoned restaurants and stores, even though a lot of them were already looted. He drank from the water in stores and melted the snow in his mouth, despite knowing how unsanitary that was. He remembered the small packet of matches he had picked up once, it gave him around a week of warmth by saving them and using them minimally. It was a luxury Tommy sorely missed.

An Aurora settled beside Tommy, who barely glanced at it. Auroras are humanoid spirits with a similar color and texture to an actual arctic aurora. They are the most curious out of all the monsters, and Tommy was just so desperate he’d take any company. Luckily, they’re not hostile, not yet, at least.

“Human?” The Aurora said with a voice that seemed to overlap and echo and sounded vaguely male, like a curious boy. Tommy lifted his head just slightly, he knew the Auroras could talk, but they just chose not to. They also seemed to have very limited vocabulary and seemed to learn through mimicry. He had never seen one talk in sentences before, too. Tommy hung around these creatures a lot to fill up the void that is loneliness.

“Y-Yes,” Tommy shakily replied, hugging himself. The Aurora floated around him, studying the blonde with a curiosity that resembled a child’s.

“Name?” The Aurora asked again, and Tommy perked up. It was the first time since everything fell apart that someone, or something, asked for his name, like they wanted to know him better.

“Tommy,” A smile started to show. Even if it’s one word sentences, he just wanted company. He wanted to talk to someone, something, anything!

“T-aw-me,” The Aurora pronounced each syllable slowly, then looking at Tommy again, as if wanting confirmation that they spoke it right. He nodded, feeling slightly better. As the Aurora moved to say something else, a cold wind slammed into the two, signalling another monster.

Tommy immediately started running in the opposite direction, much to the dismay of the Aurora. He didn’t even care to see what type of monster there was back there. He ran into another abandoned store and curled up in the corner. It seemed to be a clothing store, although there wasn't that much thick clothing left. He glanced at the sky, was it sunset already?

He made a small corner inside the shop with the clothing in the store, and curled up in it. He missed it when going to sleep means going to bed, he missed it when he could just stay up late with his friends playing Minecraft, sometimes even streaming it. He’d always have to leave early because he had school or something the next day, but he had fun then. He missed it when he was lonely, he didn’t have to talk to people made of light who can only speak in single word sentences, he could open up discord and talk with his friends and stream and talk to chat.

He missed being able to go on YouTube and see his friends’ videos in his recommended feed. He missed just seeing some other human out there who didn’t want to kill him. He missed so many things back then. He missed them so much. None of these thoughts help with filling up the empty hole inside Tommy that just wants someone to talk to him, someone who could laugh at his jokes, even someone who would tell him to shut up when he goes just a bit overboard. 

He found himself whimpering as he hugged his knees closer, burying his face in his chest. He wanted to talk so badly, he wanted to share what went on about his day, he wanted to just be able to vent to someone who could understand his complex speech, he wanted to open up so badly. He wanted to be comforted.

_ But he can’t because he’s all alone and anyone who might listen could be dead. _

Even if they aren’t, Tommy was afraid he couldn’t speak up. He’s just so used to living while feeling empty, he’s just so used to hiding his wants, he’s not sure if he can open up anymore. He had learned a long time ago crying wouldn’t help anyone. He had learned a long time ago Auroras can only understand single word sentences. He had learned a long time ago there is nobody out there for him.  _ He had learned a long time ago it’s better just to hide away and live with the pain. _

He missed Tubbo. He missed Wilbur. He missed Phil. He missed Techno. He missed Dream. He missed his friends so badly. Do they even want him back? Would they even bother to listen to him vent and cry about how lonely he was, about how much he missed them, about how much it sucked, about how hard it is to just open his mouth and say “Please listen”?

He didn’t cry himself to sleep that night. He just curled up, slept, and hoped he still woke up by the next day, or not. He’s not sure which he preferred at this point.

He looked outside, it’s not that snowy, and the sun actually felt just a little bit warmer than usual. He clumsily packed up his things and went on the move again. Maybe…… Just maybe, when he found someone, that void he’s been living with would finally close up.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for any OOC in this one-shot! This is partly me venting my emotional issues, of course it’s dramatized in Tommy’s case since obviously I’m not in a life and death situation like he is.


End file.
